Do It For The Story

On being selfish & making the tough choices that lead to a greater life.

“Do it for the story. When you’re lost, look at life from the end. What would make this part better? More exciting? More inspiring? Write something that would keep a reader glued to the path. Leave home. Sell everything. Bet it all on a dream you feel deep inside your bones. Let destiny race through your veins. Most people live scripted lives of slow despair. Because they forget, that the script isn’t theirs to read. It’s theirs to create.” - Zach Pogrob

I saw this quote on Instagram the other day and it literally took my breath away. It felt like the author took the exact words from my mouth and summarized my creative journey in one small paragraph. Doing it for the story is why I do what I do.

I started journaling pretty much as soon as I learned how to spell. There was something so captivating about writing my thoughts and processing my experiences in the written word, on the page, that completely entranced me. I always, always, always wrote with the thought in the back of my mind, “What if someone finds my journal one day and reads it? What will it tell them about the time we’re in and the journey I’m on?” I felt like I was writing the story of my life, however mundane, and it was my purpose to tell it.

My mom has this funny story when I was a kid and told her, “Mom, I have to be very careful of my choices because when I’m famous one day, I don’t want anyone digging up anything about me that they can gossip about.”

I was obsessed with fame growing up, and I always viewed my life through the lens of looking back on it from an outside perspective. There were certainly many aspects of this that weren’t healthy for me, and I struggled with perfectionism to the extreme, but there’s always been something magical to me about the possibility of being seen and heard in the world.

My parents are huge on giving back and have devoted their lives to serving others. My mom loves people, and she truly feels fulfilled through the act of service. It’s beautiful to watch, but I’ve always felt like something must be wrong with me because I don’t naturally desire that kind of life. For me, I’ve always wanted to be in my own little bubble, creating my own little things, and sharing my perspective and art in that way. I must be selfish, I used to tell myself. Maybe I’m a narcissist, I’d worry late at night.

But I don’t think those things are true. I think sharing stories & making art, whatever that looks like, is an act of service. I serve my family, I serve my friends, I serve my photography clients, and I serve the people I work for.

But my writing? My creativity? That’s for me.

I don’t want to live a scripted life of slow despair (Slow? Yes. Despair? No). I want to write my life as I live my life. And I want my life to be filled with stories worth telling.

I think we tend to view life through the lens of service in one way or another. If I want to be so-called successful, what is my purpose? How can I bring value to others?

But what if we were a little selfish, and instead viewed our life as if it was one magnificent story that needed to be told? And what if that story served someone else to create their own incredible story? And onwards and upwards.

Wouldn’t that mean we were living in the deepest act of service while also living in alignment with our truest selves?

I don’t think there’s much more selfless than that. When we make choices that are best for us, they have to also be best for others. That’s just law, to me.

I remember breaking up with my childhood sweetheart and knowing it was the right thing even if it felt like agony for both of us at the time. Now, he’s happily married and I’m happily married and I know we are better people apart than we’d ever have been together. The choice that was best for me, was also best for him, even if it felt selfish at the time.

So here’s what I’m bringing to you: try looking at your life and what choices you’re currently making to please others at the expense of yourself. Now, without any judgment towards you or them, how would it feel to choose differently? Would it come with discomfort? I’m almost sure of it. But would the end choice lead to you living your most authentic life? Then that’s the choice that must be made.

I’m not saying leave your family and escape to a desolate town on the coast of Italy just to finally have time to paint. But I am saying, view your daily decisions from a wider lens and realize that you have this short time in this specific body on this specific planet to live out your unique message.

Even in the midst of picking up toys for the umpteenth time or making dinner like you do every evening, how can you infuse your story into it? Maybe it’s letting your kids stay up past bedtime to build a couch fort in the living room because they’ll carry that memory with them for the rest of their life. Maybe it’s booking a night away just for yourself so you can dream up your next book idea or online course. Maybe it’s skipping the laundry that day so you can have an extra long lunch with a friend and laugh your little asses off. Maybe it’s deciding to move somewhere new. Maybe it’s saying, “I’m choosing me” to that friend who takes way too much of your energy.

Imagine if we all lived our lives as if our story was unfolding each day, letting destiny race through our veins, so we could share the most incredible journey of our life when we look back upon it. What choices would you make? Who would you become?

And if you had it all, what kind of person would you be today?

Our life is not about reading others’ scripts, but creating our own. And if we live from the place of following our own story, there’s no limit to what we can create and who we can become.