What's In A Name.

The story of my first tattoo

I’d always wanted a tattoo. For as long as I can remember, I’d draw a singular word on my wrist in any type of ink I could get my hands on. Sharpies, gel pens, you name it.

I had fallen in love with this word when I started doing yoga. I realized the importance of it every day not only to live but to manage my anxiety at the time.

Breathe. I would tell myself over and over. Looking back now, it’s such a silly word. Something so basic anyone would think, why do you need that tattooed on your body forever?

But to me, that word was my lifeline. When I would start to feel the flutter in my chest that would quickly go from a pitter patter to a full-on loud thump throughout my ears making me want to sink into the abyss and pass out on the floor all at once, I would whisper to myself, breathe. Over and over and over again until the ringing in my ears subsided and my pounding heart resumed its regular beat.

So there I found myself, in a tattoo shop in Brooklyn a couple of hours before catching a plane to the Netherlands on a whim, getting a tattoo.

I sent the tattoo artist my idea. I wanted the word breathe and a rose (the rose for beauty and the beast, I mean could I get any more cliché?). She designed it perfectly though. It was elegant and something I’d be proud to wear on my body for the rest of my life (sounds dramatic, but it’s true).

I remember the feeling of the needle piercing my skin in such a gentle way. The pain almost feeling euphoric as I made this first big decision in my new life. My post-breakdown life. I was now someone who had a tattoo. Watch out world, I’m coming for you.

I walked out of that shop with the biggest smile on my face, and not a day has gone by since when I don’t look down at my tattoo nestled in the inside of my lower arm and am proud of how far I’ve come.

It’s been messy, it’s been nonlinear. But it’s my story.

If only I could go back to that young girl, and remind her to just keep taking one more breath.

Breathe, and the rest will fall into place.