I Stopped Writing On Substack.

The reason might surprise you (+ why I'm coming back)...

I opened the Substack app today for the first time in at least a month (probably closer to two) and had 83 notifications. It felt like a nice warm hug as I was greeted with comments, mentions, and friendly names saying hi.

I didn’t intend to stop writing here, but a weekend turned into a week which turned into a few months, and somewhere in the middle I decided to stop feeling guilty for it and instead pause my paid subscriptions and take a breather.

There isn’t one big thing that happened to make me stop, I simply ran out of words.

I started writing in this space when my daughter turned one and I was wholeheartedly invested in the process of slowing down and being a mother. It felt like everything was going so well, and life felt, dare I say, easy. As the year went on and my daughter neared two, I suddenly became very humbled by motherhood and the challenges that come with raising a toddler. We had a lot of personal turmoil happen that required a lot from me, physically and mentally. Our family was going through a bit of a rough patch as a result, and life suddenly felt hard.

I kept writing until there was an empty well within me, and the words simply wouldn’t come. I don’t believe in only sharing & creating when things are good, but there hit a point where showing up here and writing felt like a burden rather than a gift and the passion project it had been for the past year. I didn’t want to resent it for the sake of consistency and growth, so I stopped.

Over the past few months, I’ve done a ton of reading (mostly faerie fiction, or parenting books). I’ve tried to make a return to Instagram multiple times and subsequently realized that I definitely have an addiction to Instagram. I’ve even forayed in the whole “digital marketing” thing to try and make a quick buck because all I’ve been thinking about lately is, “We need more money. If we just made more money then life would be easy again and we’d be happier.” Newsflash, it didn’t work. I realized that those people who promise “passive income” and “only work 2-3 hours a day” most definitely do not work only 2-3 hours a day and there is nothing passive about it. I even went so far as to get a mentor in that space to help me grow, and turned out she offered me a 30-minute 1:1 with positive vibes and then answered every question I had with, “That sounds great, do that.”

Over this time, I ended up feeling completely burnt out, got into arguments with my husband about how un-present I was being and deeply disconnected from my daughter, and finally had this moment of, “I can figure out how to make meaningful money for us in a way that feels good for me, too.”

Throughout the whole process, I watched as the thing I put the least amount of effort into, photography, grew and grew. I realized that sometimes it’s those things we least expect that bring us the biggest rewards, and photography has become that for me.

But that’s not what brought me back to Substack. In truth, what made me open up this app today and begin writing again was that the words were bubbling out of me. I went from no words at all to feeling like I was going to burst if I didn’t put them somewhere. That’s what told me where I needed to be.

I watched this video recently from Madisun Gray where she talked about eliminating constant overstimulation from our lives. In it, she discussed a 30-day digital detox she did, where she completely eliminated everything, and how her world got so quiet, and she could finally think again. I realized that I’ve been so heavily influenced by what I’ve been seeing online or caught up in the reality that we aren’t quite where we want to be in certain ways (do we ever get there? What even is there?) that I forgot what it meant to live my own life, and how it felt to be present. I definitely want to try to do a 30-day reset as she did, but I’ve noticed in the past few days of being aware of what she said, I’ve gotten more present, less tense and stressed out, and not so snappy with family members thinking they were overstimulating me when really it was too much doom scrolling, or trying to force myself to hustle when that is so not me.

“Slow living isn’t about staying in bed all day, it’s about preserving your potency.”
- Madisun Gray

I feel like in the pursuit of focusing on myself over these past few months, I actually got further away from who I am meant to be. I lost my potency, rather than gaining more power.

There’s this concept around business, or just following your path in general, that talks about how when it’s right, it feels easy.

Nothing ever felt easy for me, except for writing this Substack.

Blogging was hard.

Making YouTube videos was hard.

Showing up on Instagram every day was hard.

But writing for Substack? It felt effortless.

It truly came easy to me, and so when it no longer didn’t, I knew it wasn’t about the writing itself but about everything happening around it that made showing up on the metaphorical page difficult.

I’m grateful that I took the time away because I truly crave writing here again, being in this space and sharing my ideas that are bubbling away.

I think the other thing I struggled with was that I made it too complicated. I stopped writing for me and started thinking about the 1500+ people reading. I made my simple things series, which was supposed to be simple, more complex. It required a lot of time from me each week and at the already depleted state I was in, I couldn’t hold space for it. Sure, I have dreams and big ideas for my series and such, but I’m not in the season to be spending a ton of time executing them. I’m still in the thick of “newish” motherhood (how long are you allowed to say it’s new?) and most of my day is spent making playdough statues and endless plates of food that mostly go uneaten. I’m also actively building a photography business and am grateful to say it’s gotten very busy. So, when I sit down at my computer to write, it needs to feel fun. Feel effortless. Feel easy again.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m making writing fun again. I’m making my space here something I feel called to that fills me up versus another thing to check off my to-do list. It’s a return to me, and I missed this.

But, you know what I missed the most during this time away?

I missed you. This little corner of the Internet that makes me feel seen, heard, and deeply supported. I missed reading others’ writing and the insights they give into my own life. I missed serving those who have a desire to slow down but in a way that feels good for them. I missed real connection that often goes unanswered on regular social media platforms but is found in abundance here. I missed the wholesomeness of this space, and the people in it.

I’m grateful to all of you who stuck around, and I’m excited to be back again, sharing in a way that feels good. Thank you so much for being here with me.

I wanted to sign off here by sharing some of what I’ve been up to these past few months. I would love to get a little life update from you as well!

• I re-read the whole ACOTAR series and am finally at Silver Flames (which I didn’t read the first time). I also have to admit that after reading this series twice now, I like the Fourth Wing (Empyrean) series by Rebecca Yarros more. I know, don’t come for me Sarah J. Maas stans.

• My daughter has learned the signs & sounds of every animal possibly ever. We spend our days singing Baby Shark over and over again and talking like cows or horses for hours on end.

• I have a steady stream of photography work, which is exciting considering this is my second year of offering it beyond just family/friends. I’ve had a few return clients too which I am SO excited about. It’s filled my cup in so many ways.

• It’s getting hot here in North Florida, so we are trying to make it to the pool or beach at some point most days. It’s nice because it typically tires the toddler out so she sleeps a little bit better (she’s still an awful sleeper, send help and coffee).

• My sister is getting married in September in Colorado, and I’m the Matron of Honor, so we have had many calls about all things wedding and it’s been so fun helping her plan.

• Speaking of the wedding, my husband and I have decided we want to look good for our photos so we’re on a big health kick and it’s been so good for both of us. I’ve been doing The Pilates Class religiously and loving it.

P.S., I have a pretty exciting announcement coming very soon that is definitely going to steer my content for a bit, and I have a feeling you’ll be excited about it too! Stay tuned.