Hi friends! I’ve decided to post my first thread by asking YOU a question… what about your writing has changed since becoming a mother?
For me, it has quite literally changed everything about my creativity and where I find inspiration, in truly the best ways. And because of this, I’ve been working on a resource about how to develop your writing once you become a mother.
But, I would love to hear from those of you that are already writing about what that experience has looked like. And if you were writing (even just journaling!) before becoming a mother and stopped, what has that felt like for you? Do you miss writing?
Substack (if you’re reading this on email, Substack is the platform that hosts my newsletter) has been revolutionary for me picking up writing consistently again since having my daughter. Writing consistently is something I honestly hadn’t done for the past five years or so. I think a huge part of writing again has been related to the community here, and it doesn’t feel like I’m just putting words against a wall that no one sees.
I’m excited to hear what you have to say on this topic!
I had to think hard about this answer because I immediately said “nothing.” But, I knew that probably wasn’t true if I really thought about it. I have felt more of an urgency to “tell my stories.” Not just to promote my own healing, but to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for how I’ll share my stories and experiences with my daughter as she ages.
Wow this is so good, Ashleigh. I love that you really had to think about it too. I feel so similar! I think sometimes about what my daughter would think if she stumbled upon my writing when she was older. Would she be proud?
Before motherhood I would spend hours journalling, going into my feelings and processes. Oh what a luxury!
As soon as I became a mother and my life became so stretched, I would find my journal entries being one singular page, a quick jotting down of all the main topics but all in a couple of lines.
Its taken me joining substack to really feel inspired to do more longer form writing (and different styles too).
I made the decision to join substack about 3 weeks ago and since then inspiration is coming in thick and fast! I’m making it more of a priority to listen to those creative urges, which does often look like frantically typing out in my notes whilst in the middle of doing something else.
Ideally I would like to have more intentional time to sit down and write but I know I’m not in that season of my life right now and that’s ok.
Ah yes, Venus. I completely am with you on that. The amount of times I've written posts or ideas for Substack while in the middle of cooking dinner or having my little one playing at my feet. But gosh the inspiration is crazy isn't it? I think it's a mix of motherhood opening up that creative portal and having such strong community built into the platform.
Agree! Wouldn’t change it either.. and you couldnt ever appreciate those moments the same way anyways until you became a mother .. it’s just how it is!
I didn’t start blogging and writing until after I became a mother. I originally blogged in the personal finance sector and that was how I initially shared my writing. My writing has changed since then and I do know my girls influence what I write and talk about now 💗
I absolutely enjoyed the personal finance sector, I met some really cool people online! I was never super successful in that niche because I burnt out talking about that particular topic and I then realized I enjoyed more of a creative aspect to my writing and started heading in a different direction 💛
Hey Hunter! I have to be honest and say that I did not have a writing practice before becoming a mother, nor did I have one for the first eight years of motherhood! I classed myself as a creative in many other ways (music, art, even the way I parented and worked as an English teacher) but had felt so paralysed by the 'what' and 'why' I felt I was unable to write.
It would take a therapy journey to correct this assumption, and I suppose my youngest going to school in 2020 helped! I started carving out time for myself in a way that felt necessarily page-bound. Now I can't stop. I feel very strongly that nothing comes from nothing, and once you have something (whatever 'it' is) you are motivated to press on.
Building a body of work here on Substack has been an extra boost to me following the completion of my first book. I think I'd initially become a bit complacent with my writing, waiting for something to happen next (an editor to bite, for example. Another competition to enter...) when what happens next, really, is up to me.
Thanks for this prompt! Looking forward to others' contributions.
Oh wow, this is so interesting, Lindsay! I wonder if part of you being paralyzed was because writing means so much to you? Such an interesting thought! I'm so grateful to be connected here and that you share your beautiful writing now! What troves of wisdom you must have from years of mothering! I feel like I'm only scratching the surface.
But I, too, am so enjoying reading you and other mothers in the spring part of that particular journey! I wonder if things would've been different for my cohort if such a place as this existed for us a decade ago?
Mmm, that's an interesting thought! I think it's created this beautiful supportive "village" online that we might not necessarily experience in real-life. I only have a few friends with kids so this space has become so valuable for me.
I can totally see that. Yes, it took me a long time to find my tribe as a parent. There were plenty of folk IRL who had babies at the same time as me and when we're fine to be with day-to-day, but none of them were my actual friends who I'd have chosen to spend time with. In time, it changed... but those first few years were tough!
I feel this! And finding people that have similar parenting styles to you and that your kids connect with. Gosh so many layers! It can feel really lonely at first (and definitely has for me!)
All of this! And I can confirm that the view from here (with a nearly 12yo and an 8yo) isn't much different! The challenges may change but, oh, so much of the interpersonal stuff does not!
I find this so intriguing, your relationship with writing- where as you still associated as a creative elsewhere! Thanks for sharing, I’m loving getting insights into the mother makers at the moment xx
Thanks so much for that, Kat. And I am loving how we *can* still go slow on Substack, responding to something written over a week ago. I've had to check in with myself and the way I've come to feel we need to be 'on it' with getting our thoughts in order to join often fast-moving or transient conversations here... maybe moreso in Notes, granted.
Once I became a mother, I found a topic that people might actually be interested in reading. I found a "why" for my writing. I've always loved giving advice in articles and writing about my life and lessons I've learned, but they've always been one off topics until I became a mother. Now I can use my voice to shed light on things that were hidden to me before becoming a mother - things that shouldn't have been hidden and that I hope will no longer be.
Oh I completely get this too!! It's sort of like joining a club haha
I feel like there's more depth and lived experience that I can write about than before, which is interesting. I love that you want to share experiences that were hidden from you, that's so beautiful! There are soo many things I didn't know about before becoming a mom.
Thank you! There’s a whole lot of experience that comes with motherhood! It feels kind of like credibility, at least in terms of what I’m qualified to write.
My writing changed drastically! I’ve always journaled and before I became a mother I had started a website to blog about health and wellness and recipes and what not. I had become really into health in my 20s and got certified in nutritional and life coaching to go with my psych degree.. I had this whole plan on how I would help women find simple ways to improve their health.. then I had twins .. a complex pregnancy and postpartum -- a story for another day-- but when trying to get healthy as a mother became a, well arduous task .. relaxing it was nothing like getting healthy in your twenties pre children life -- I decided to make a change and talk more about the true struggles we face as mothers in maintaining our wellness, the mental health toll (that’s usually unspoken) etc.. Our wellness is very different in motherhood (it’s delicate and needs a gentle approach).. which is also why I can’t stand all of the social media influencers in this circle (the moms here on Substack seem more real-life).
I truly don’t know if I answered your question or just rambled on, because I was excited to see others explain how motherhood changed or brought out the creative spark.. I’m here for it! And have much to say more to say on this topic 😂 but I’ll end it here.
Thank you so much for this, Jennifer. I feel especially seen by your words. Everyone talks about having kids and then going on this linear journey of "losing the baby weight" but I had this really interesting experience of not gaining much weight while pregnant because I was sick all the time, then losing a ton of weight (probably too much weight) while breastfeeding, and then within a month or two of stopping breastfeeding I gained almost 30 pounds. I went from everyone talking about how "good I looked" to literally nothing, and it really wore on my psyche.
You're doing such important work in this space! Also, twins?! You're a super mom!! I can't wait to see what you continue to create here. Are you planning on leaning into more of the health & wellness space or the life coaching as you move forward now?
Chiming in to say that I had this exact same experience, Hunter! I lost soo much weight being pregnant and breastfeeding, but now I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I get comments like, "don't let yourself go back!" It's harder than it looks!
It's crazy what people feel comfortable saying to you, isn't it?! They were all praise when I lost all that weight really quickly but now it's like crickets-- or they suggest me moving my body in some way. It's just a bit wild!
I should have said this under your post I think -- trying to figure out how these threads work lol .. but I’d love to hear more about both of your experiences with this, maybe something we can collaborate on one day! So many people need to hear all of the different postpartum struggles and the overcoming
And seriously people w/ the comments! That one I’ll never understand haha
And yes, it’s crazy! It starts with touching your belly while pregnant and then never ends. Like we become mothers and then open ourselves up to everyone’s thoughts and opinions that we DIDN’T ASK FOR.
LITERALLY! I also had my annual gyno appointment today and got all touched up, so I am really feeling exposed currently 😂
But it's so crazy how people don't think before they speak. I've also had three incidents this week of people saying something about my TWO YEAR OLD that just enrages me. Either about her belly poking out, or that she was topless at the beach, or about her needing to pull her dress down and cover up. Like what the hell? It's insane.
That’s a fantastic question.. I truly do not have any idea of that yet and it’s one of those things that I think being here and in like Claire’s and other writing groups will help to bring more clarity! The courses and (possible) coaching would center more around a mothers mental health (then bring in other elements) bc I do think the mental wellness is the priority for other things to fall into place.
I’m very interested in both of your experiences w/ the postpartum period .. I might want to contact you both to share some of your stories in future posts!
I love that you're giving it the space to unfold as it's meant to! And mothers' mental health is such an important topic! I've really loved diving into matrescence work and seeing how that feels.
Hahah I completely get this 😂 And then when it takes me a while, I'm like trying to decipher if I'm procrastinating or putting it off for some reason or just allowing it to come through on it's own. Always questioning myself! Haha
I feel so much more creative since becoming a mother and I feel I have much to say, which is what led me to start my own Substack. It too keeps me showing up most weeks which is helping to improve my writing through a consistent(ish) writing practice. I haven’t got much in the way of “free” time to write with the children around most of the week but if I have something urgent to say I seem to find time to write it down and get it out there.
I feel the same, Kylie-Ann! It's like becoming a mother opened up this creative portal for me that just flows through. I didn't anticipate that before, and I'm so grateful for it. Haha we definitely just have to find those little pockets of time, don't we?
One thing that changed for me when I became a mother, was that I started journaling TO my son, sort of like a book of letters to him. I kept a journal of my thoughts to him: guidance and recollections and advice and musings. It was so interesting to watch my own thoughts change as he grew. Journaling this way was a sort of way he and I grew up together, I suppose. Then on his 18th birthday I gave the journal to him. Every now and again he'll mention something he read in there and I just love knowing that he reads it at all!
WOW! This is sooo beautiful, Jenna! What a sweet idea, and so special that your son has your wisdom and recollections to look back on. That will be such a gift as he gets older too. I definitely need to start writing letters for my daughter, you've inspired me!
I love this question and now I am trying to remember (because it’s nearly 10 years since I was first pregnant) - what I want to say is being a mum gave me the confidence to write online because I always wrote but never for anyone else... I dreamt up and wrote magical copy for projects and funding bids but I didn’t write for people until L was maybe a few years old... ✨
10 years!! You are filled to the brim with mothering wisdom! I love it. I can already see myself forgetting parts of my "before" life, so I can't imagine where I'll be at a decade in.
I love that you gained confidence in your writing-- that's so beautiful.. I just replied in another thread that I feel like motherhood gives such depth that we don't experience before. It's really so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!!
Becoming a mother felt like it lined up all my pencils in a row.
I felt what it was like to not have writing available to me at all hours and all whims—and that held up such a nervous mirror to me. So in some ways, the exhaustion of motherhood helped me find clarity on what I absolutely MUST do once I was not chronically sleep deprived. (It also pointed out that I needed more support so I could be nourished enough to write.)
Also, I have been super surprised by the fact that the “absolute yes” I feel for being Evagene’s mother, for holding her close, for being near her, could also help me recognize when that same “yes” was coming through in a topic I was ready to write about.
Thanks for asking this question. Really love the open door to connect the two. 🫶
Oh wow, Amanda, these insights are SO beautiful. I felt the exact same way. It's created such clarity for me in what I want out of life in general, and a drive like never before. There's suddenly only time for a few open doors instead of exploring them all, so I have to pick one (or two) and go with it.
I loveee what you said about her allowing you to recognize that more. I feel the SAME way. It's truly magical, isn't it? I was just working a post around becoming radically responsible for my life when I became a mom. It's like Maverick gives me the permission to fully lean into myself and make choices from this confidence I never had before.
Yesss the motherhood time anxiety helped me get clear on what to write and stripped all the “fluff” away. In some ways I guess, simplified the writing process
I became a mother at 19 and as much as I had loved writing as a child it wasn't until after I had my youngest at 25 that I returned to it! I've been on quite a journey when it comes to fitting creativity around motherhood and I home educate my three so it's often a case of writing in the margins. As someone who really loves to sink into the process I still find it frustrating at times and I love nothing more than an afternoon alone at home to write but I've come to know that ironically it is often the constraints around my time that ignite the most inspiration and give me the push I need to get the words down on the page.
P.S. Loving your photo of the Mesquite tarot, I have the same one!
Oh wow, how beautiful Laura! I imagine becoming a mother at that age involved a lot of mothering yourself too. What a journey! I'm so glad you've been able to return to writing since having your youngest. You must have so much wisdom to share!!
It really is writing in the margins, isn't it? Finding those tiny pockets and making it work.
I definitely get frustrated as well, but feel the same around the time constraints pushing me forward!
Ah yes, I love this tarot deck so much!!! Love that you have the same one!
So hear you with the frustration of motherhood pulling us from the creative outlets, and the creativity ... sometimes feeling so consuming it can pull us out of presence with our kids.
Such a dance. I find this conversation sooo interesting on how to truly merge the two as one
Absolutely! It’s a conversation that is both inspiring and soothing for creative mothers.
I’ve been trying to find my footing with it for over a decade now and I still feel like a beginner... I suppose that’s natural given how much my children and I have changed and grown in that time ☺️
Hi Hunter (and all), this is such an interesting question to consider...
I started writing when I set up my blog which brought together my interests in yoga (following my teacher training) and my work in interiors/design PR about creating intentional sacred space and feeling at home in ourselves as a foundation for living beautifully.
After giving birth to my daughter at the beginning of 2020 I carried on writing as and when I could but I felt as though I was undergoing such a metamorphosis and was so consumed by motherhood (and my highly sensitive baby in isolation during COVID) that I found I wasn't inspired to write about the same things in the same way. I was also now writing in the evenings whilst my daughter slept on me or very close by. My writing ground to a halt around the summer of 2020. I deeply wanted to write about things that I was experiencing but at the same time felt so 'in it' and frankly so overwhelmed that I couldn't seem to put words to paper. Instead
Now my daughter is three and my son is one, I have returned to writing and have moved over to Substack which has been brilliant in terms of finding a consistency, commitment and most importantly for the community I continue to find here. The connection and deep conversation is extremely nourishing and refreshing. I also find that discussion leads to more ideas in a beautiful tapestry of inspiration and I can feel all sorts of things that have been deeply buried emerging.
Having said that I have found consistency, I mean in terms of committing to posting weekly but there is no consistency in terms of when I write, it is simply in the pockets of time I find here and there, mostly when both babes are asleep and I have to be realistic about what I can manage to do in that time.
There has been a shift in my writing away from home as a place to return to but as to a place that everything starts from, my connection to the seasons as I found this a way to anchor myself in the early haze of mothering and I am slowly untangling the strands of my feelings and experiences of mothering, all with a backdrop of living creatively! I am sure there is much more to unpick but that is where I am at right now and I am enjoying seeing how it unfolds...xx
This is beautiful, Lyndsay, thank you for sharing your story! I love that you started with blogging. I did too! And I did YTT in 2018. It was so transformative for me!
I completely understand the metamorphosis. I really didn't write the whole first year of Maverick being born, just undergoing such a big change. I now wish I would have started sooner but I guess it was meant to be how it unfolded.
I feel you on the consistency! I write at such random times, it's so funny how we just make it work in the midst of mothering.
I feel like you have so much wisdom to share, and I can't wait to continue to see your work unfold!
Ah we must have been YTTing at the same time, love a synchronicity! In some ways that feels like one metamorphosis (initiating a slower way of being) and motherhood being the next where everything has been clarified/solidified/deepened and still continues to evolve.
Yes!! I hardly journaled at all (actually until recently), it’s sad but I also just didn’t feel able to or drawn to so hopefully it was meant to be. I did recently find something I wrote when my daughter was 3 months old about things I didn’t know about babies/motherhood. I could add a huge layer of depth to it now, 3 years later but thought it might be fun to share parts of that at some point.
Thank you Hunter for your kind words, so happy to be connected and inspired by you xx
I love everything you wrote but this:: I also find that discussion leads to more ideas in a beautiful tapestry of inspiration and I can feel all sorts of things that have been deeply buried emerging. :: I feel this too and it’s so deeply beautiful and not something I have found anywhere else. It’s also so much genuine connection here with people wanting to learn, help one another grow -- so uplifting and something so nice for us mamas who might be craving that quieter, creative community!
Yes!! Here, it feels like we aren't just writing into the void (that so many other social platforms feel like) and instead truly bringing together community and deep support. It definitely feels incredibly uplifting!
Ah thank you for reading my ponderings! Yes!! It’s an entirely new experience, I love the spirit of sharing and support, it feels incredibly nourishing as well as inspiring. Absolutely agree, it feels like a quieter, inward journey despite the fact that I am probably sharing more outwardly here than ever before...!
What a great thread of comments Hunter. I so enjoyed binge reading them all haha!
Before motherhood, I would write my personal beliefs in creative ways in order to help people’s perspectives shift and evolve.
I was praised for it, though in many ways it felt selfish because it was happening from this desire to be seen.
I became a mum and my writing turned to poetry, and longform explorative style. Initially on instagram through like a billion captions haha but the intention shifted.
It became about service. Not wanting to “help” people so to speak, but to MOVE people. I wanted to spark emotion in other mothers and through that, feel connected.
I love this question a lot because I’ve never thought about how it changed specifically after having a child but I’d say it went from personal to service based
I've loved the conversations happening here in this thread!
And yes, I relate to this same thing so much! Before having a baby, it was all about me and my introspection and now I really do feel such a shift to more of a service mentality, too. Thank you for sharing your experience!!
Such a good question! Before I had my children, I honestly don’t think I had a creative side. My parents were very much about doing ‘real’ subjects at school that would get me a ‘proper’ job, and so I became a nurse.
After my children were born I soon realised that the long hours at the hospital weren’t very family friendly, and I wanted to have a job that I could work around my children. THIS is when everything changed. I found myself being more and more creative, thanks to my children. I was playful and I enjoyed fun things again, and so this lead me to set up my print business.
Since then, I’ve spent my days being just that - creative. I design, play, read, build, experiment, and the thing I love most - write.
I honestly don’t think I’d have done any of this if I hadn’t become a mother. I’m so grateful to those little humans! 🥰
This is so fascinating, Sophie! It's incredible how kids can re-ignite creativity in us, isn't it? There is truly a magic with playing. I love that you found this journey after becoming a mum and now you're exploring that side of yourself. So beautiful!!
It's interesting to me the value we put on making our parents happy too, and then realizing when we become parents ourselves what actually makes us happy. SO many thoughts on this! Thank you for sharing!!
Becoming a mother brought me back to writing. I had used poetry and journaling as a teen to process all of my big feelings and when I found myself struggling my with anxiety and more big feelings, I turned back.
That's beautiful, Kim! Not the anxiety part, of course, but re-discovering your love for writing & poetry that you had as a teenager. It really does bring everything full circle, doesn't it?
I had to think hard about this answer because I immediately said “nothing.” But, I knew that probably wasn’t true if I really thought about it. I have felt more of an urgency to “tell my stories.” Not just to promote my own healing, but to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for how I’ll share my stories and experiences with my daughter as she ages.
Wow this is so good, Ashleigh. I love that you really had to think about it too. I feel so similar! I think sometimes about what my daughter would think if she stumbled upon my writing when she was older. Would she be proud?
Thank you so much for sharing this insight.
Yes similar here, like the process of telling stories, anchors it in my memory and saves it - for me to open again for my sons one day. I love that
Ooh good question.
Before motherhood I would spend hours journalling, going into my feelings and processes. Oh what a luxury!
As soon as I became a mother and my life became so stretched, I would find my journal entries being one singular page, a quick jotting down of all the main topics but all in a couple of lines.
Its taken me joining substack to really feel inspired to do more longer form writing (and different styles too).
I made the decision to join substack about 3 weeks ago and since then inspiration is coming in thick and fast! I’m making it more of a priority to listen to those creative urges, which does often look like frantically typing out in my notes whilst in the middle of doing something else.
Ideally I would like to have more intentional time to sit down and write but I know I’m not in that season of my life right now and that’s ok.
Ah yes, Venus. I completely am with you on that. The amount of times I've written posts or ideas for Substack while in the middle of cooking dinner or having my little one playing at my feet. But gosh the inspiration is crazy isn't it? I think it's a mix of motherhood opening up that creative portal and having such strong community built into the platform.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective!
It truly was a luxury wasn’t it?! Lol
Such a luxury!! I just never valued time like I do now haha
Yup! I miss those days sometimes. Wouldn’t change it for the world, but wow my life before was so incredibly luxurious 😆
Agree! Wouldn’t change it either.. and you couldnt ever appreciate those moments the same way anyways until you became a mother .. it’s just how it is!
I didn’t start blogging and writing until after I became a mother. I originally blogged in the personal finance sector and that was how I initially shared my writing. My writing has changed since then and I do know my girls influence what I write and talk about now 💗
Ah that's so interesting, Mackenzie! Did you enjoy the personal finance writing? I've seen a bunch of bloggers find big success with that niche.
I love your writing, and it seems like your girls have been such a beautiful influence on the way you write! Thank you so much for sharing.
I absolutely enjoyed the personal finance sector, I met some really cool people online! I was never super successful in that niche because I burnt out talking about that particular topic and I then realized I enjoyed more of a creative aspect to my writing and started heading in a different direction 💛
That makes sense! I can definitely see getting burnt out speaking on that topic for awhile. Love that you chose to go the more creative route!
Hey Hunter! I have to be honest and say that I did not have a writing practice before becoming a mother, nor did I have one for the first eight years of motherhood! I classed myself as a creative in many other ways (music, art, even the way I parented and worked as an English teacher) but had felt so paralysed by the 'what' and 'why' I felt I was unable to write.
It would take a therapy journey to correct this assumption, and I suppose my youngest going to school in 2020 helped! I started carving out time for myself in a way that felt necessarily page-bound. Now I can't stop. I feel very strongly that nothing comes from nothing, and once you have something (whatever 'it' is) you are motivated to press on.
Building a body of work here on Substack has been an extra boost to me following the completion of my first book. I think I'd initially become a bit complacent with my writing, waiting for something to happen next (an editor to bite, for example. Another competition to enter...) when what happens next, really, is up to me.
Thanks for this prompt! Looking forward to others' contributions.
Oh wow, this is so interesting, Lindsay! I wonder if part of you being paralyzed was because writing means so much to you? Such an interesting thought! I'm so grateful to be connected here and that you share your beautiful writing now! What troves of wisdom you must have from years of mothering! I feel like I'm only scratching the surface.
Thank you so much for sharing!
But I, too, am so enjoying reading you and other mothers in the spring part of that particular journey! I wonder if things would've been different for my cohort if such a place as this existed for us a decade ago?
Mmm, that's an interesting thought! I think it's created this beautiful supportive "village" online that we might not necessarily experience in real-life. I only have a few friends with kids so this space has become so valuable for me.
I can totally see that. Yes, it took me a long time to find my tribe as a parent. There were plenty of folk IRL who had babies at the same time as me and when we're fine to be with day-to-day, but none of them were my actual friends who I'd have chosen to spend time with. In time, it changed... but those first few years were tough!
I feel this! And finding people that have similar parenting styles to you and that your kids connect with. Gosh so many layers! It can feel really lonely at first (and definitely has for me!)
All of this! And I can confirm that the view from here (with a nearly 12yo and an 8yo) isn't much different! The challenges may change but, oh, so much of the interpersonal stuff does not!
I find this so intriguing, your relationship with writing- where as you still associated as a creative elsewhere! Thanks for sharing, I’m loving getting insights into the mother makers at the moment xx
Thanks so much for that, Kat. And I am loving how we *can* still go slow on Substack, responding to something written over a week ago. I've had to check in with myself and the way I've come to feel we need to be 'on it' with getting our thoughts in order to join often fast-moving or transient conversations here... maybe moreso in Notes, granted.
Once I became a mother, I found a topic that people might actually be interested in reading. I found a "why" for my writing. I've always loved giving advice in articles and writing about my life and lessons I've learned, but they've always been one off topics until I became a mother. Now I can use my voice to shed light on things that were hidden to me before becoming a mother - things that shouldn't have been hidden and that I hope will no longer be.
I loved this question! Thanks for asking!
Oh I completely get this too!! It's sort of like joining a club haha
I feel like there's more depth and lived experience that I can write about than before, which is interesting. I love that you want to share experiences that were hidden from you, that's so beautiful! There are soo many things I didn't know about before becoming a mom.
Thank you! There’s a whole lot of experience that comes with motherhood! It feels kind of like credibility, at least in terms of what I’m qualified to write.
I feel the same way!
Mmm love that and can relate
My writing changed drastically! I’ve always journaled and before I became a mother I had started a website to blog about health and wellness and recipes and what not. I had become really into health in my 20s and got certified in nutritional and life coaching to go with my psych degree.. I had this whole plan on how I would help women find simple ways to improve their health.. then I had twins .. a complex pregnancy and postpartum -- a story for another day-- but when trying to get healthy as a mother became a, well arduous task .. relaxing it was nothing like getting healthy in your twenties pre children life -- I decided to make a change and talk more about the true struggles we face as mothers in maintaining our wellness, the mental health toll (that’s usually unspoken) etc.. Our wellness is very different in motherhood (it’s delicate and needs a gentle approach).. which is also why I can’t stand all of the social media influencers in this circle (the moms here on Substack seem more real-life).
I truly don’t know if I answered your question or just rambled on, because I was excited to see others explain how motherhood changed or brought out the creative spark.. I’m here for it! And have much to say more to say on this topic 😂 but I’ll end it here.
Thank you so much for this, Jennifer. I feel especially seen by your words. Everyone talks about having kids and then going on this linear journey of "losing the baby weight" but I had this really interesting experience of not gaining much weight while pregnant because I was sick all the time, then losing a ton of weight (probably too much weight) while breastfeeding, and then within a month or two of stopping breastfeeding I gained almost 30 pounds. I went from everyone talking about how "good I looked" to literally nothing, and it really wore on my psyche.
You're doing such important work in this space! Also, twins?! You're a super mom!! I can't wait to see what you continue to create here. Are you planning on leaning into more of the health & wellness space or the life coaching as you move forward now?
Thank you so much for sharing this!!
Chiming in to say that I had this exact same experience, Hunter! I lost soo much weight being pregnant and breastfeeding, but now I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I get comments like, "don't let yourself go back!" It's harder than it looks!
It's crazy what people feel comfortable saying to you, isn't it?! They were all praise when I lost all that weight really quickly but now it's like crickets-- or they suggest me moving my body in some way. It's just a bit wild!
I should have said this under your post I think -- trying to figure out how these threads work lol .. but I’d love to hear more about both of your experiences with this, maybe something we can collaborate on one day! So many people need to hear all of the different postpartum struggles and the overcoming
And seriously people w/ the comments! That one I’ll never understand haha
Haha I know, the threads can get confusing! It's been something I've tried writing about but the words just haven't flowed yet.
I would love that!
And yes, it’s crazy! It starts with touching your belly while pregnant and then never ends. Like we become mothers and then open ourselves up to everyone’s thoughts and opinions that we DIDN’T ASK FOR.
LITERALLY! I also had my annual gyno appointment today and got all touched up, so I am really feeling exposed currently 😂
But it's so crazy how people don't think before they speak. I've also had three incidents this week of people saying something about my TWO YEAR OLD that just enrages me. Either about her belly poking out, or that she was topless at the beach, or about her needing to pull her dress down and cover up. Like what the hell? It's insane.
Ugh. Just let kids be kids! My daughter would run around in a diaper all day if I let her! Haha.
That’s a fantastic question.. I truly do not have any idea of that yet and it’s one of those things that I think being here and in like Claire’s and other writing groups will help to bring more clarity! The courses and (possible) coaching would center more around a mothers mental health (then bring in other elements) bc I do think the mental wellness is the priority for other things to fall into place.
I’m very interested in both of your experiences w/ the postpartum period .. I might want to contact you both to share some of your stories in future posts!
I love that you're giving it the space to unfold as it's meant to! And mothers' mental health is such an important topic! I've really loved diving into matrescence work and seeing how that feels.
Feel free to reach out, I'm an open book! Haha
Same here! Feel free to reach out. I don’t know if that’s easy to do on here but my email is ljhamilton428@gmail.com
Love that! Mine is hello@hunterburgtorf.com if you want to reach out as well!
Writing it down now! Mine is jen@jennifercat.com
Yes it’s been hard to let go and see how things flow lol but letting intuition guide .. my higher self has more patience than I do 😂
Hahah I completely get this 😂 And then when it takes me a while, I'm like trying to decipher if I'm procrastinating or putting it off for some reason or just allowing it to come through on it's own. Always questioning myself! Haha
Oh I relate to this very, very much 😂
I feel so much more creative since becoming a mother and I feel I have much to say, which is what led me to start my own Substack. It too keeps me showing up most weeks which is helping to improve my writing through a consistent(ish) writing practice. I haven’t got much in the way of “free” time to write with the children around most of the week but if I have something urgent to say I seem to find time to write it down and get it out there.
I feel the same, Kylie-Ann! It's like becoming a mother opened up this creative portal for me that just flows through. I didn't anticipate that before, and I'm so grateful for it. Haha we definitely just have to find those little pockets of time, don't we?
Thank you so much for sharing!!
One thing that changed for me when I became a mother, was that I started journaling TO my son, sort of like a book of letters to him. I kept a journal of my thoughts to him: guidance and recollections and advice and musings. It was so interesting to watch my own thoughts change as he grew. Journaling this way was a sort of way he and I grew up together, I suppose. Then on his 18th birthday I gave the journal to him. Every now and again he'll mention something he read in there and I just love knowing that he reads it at all!
WOW! This is sooo beautiful, Jenna! What a sweet idea, and so special that your son has your wisdom and recollections to look back on. That will be such a gift as he gets older too. I definitely need to start writing letters for my daughter, you've inspired me!
Oh how beautiful!
This is so beautiful, what an incredible gift!
I love this question and now I am trying to remember (because it’s nearly 10 years since I was first pregnant) - what I want to say is being a mum gave me the confidence to write online because I always wrote but never for anyone else... I dreamt up and wrote magical copy for projects and funding bids but I didn’t write for people until L was maybe a few years old... ✨
10 years!! You are filled to the brim with mothering wisdom! I love it. I can already see myself forgetting parts of my "before" life, so I can't imagine where I'll be at a decade in.
I love that you gained confidence in your writing-- that's so beautiful.. I just replied in another thread that I feel like motherhood gives such depth that we don't experience before. It's really so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!!
Becoming a mother felt like it lined up all my pencils in a row.
I felt what it was like to not have writing available to me at all hours and all whims—and that held up such a nervous mirror to me. So in some ways, the exhaustion of motherhood helped me find clarity on what I absolutely MUST do once I was not chronically sleep deprived. (It also pointed out that I needed more support so I could be nourished enough to write.)
Also, I have been super surprised by the fact that the “absolute yes” I feel for being Evagene’s mother, for holding her close, for being near her, could also help me recognize when that same “yes” was coming through in a topic I was ready to write about.
Thanks for asking this question. Really love the open door to connect the two. 🫶
Oh wow, Amanda, these insights are SO beautiful. I felt the exact same way. It's created such clarity for me in what I want out of life in general, and a drive like never before. There's suddenly only time for a few open doors instead of exploring them all, so I have to pick one (or two) and go with it.
I loveee what you said about her allowing you to recognize that more. I feel the SAME way. It's truly magical, isn't it? I was just working a post around becoming radically responsible for my life when I became a mom. It's like Maverick gives me the permission to fully lean into myself and make choices from this confidence I never had before.
Thank you so much for sharing!!
Yesss the motherhood time anxiety helped me get clear on what to write and stripped all the “fluff” away. In some ways I guess, simplified the writing process
I became a mother at 19 and as much as I had loved writing as a child it wasn't until after I had my youngest at 25 that I returned to it! I've been on quite a journey when it comes to fitting creativity around motherhood and I home educate my three so it's often a case of writing in the margins. As someone who really loves to sink into the process I still find it frustrating at times and I love nothing more than an afternoon alone at home to write but I've come to know that ironically it is often the constraints around my time that ignite the most inspiration and give me the push I need to get the words down on the page.
P.S. Loving your photo of the Mesquite tarot, I have the same one!
Oh wow, how beautiful Laura! I imagine becoming a mother at that age involved a lot of mothering yourself too. What a journey! I'm so glad you've been able to return to writing since having your youngest. You must have so much wisdom to share!!
It really is writing in the margins, isn't it? Finding those tiny pockets and making it work.
I definitely get frustrated as well, but feel the same around the time constraints pushing me forward!
Ah yes, I love this tarot deck so much!!! Love that you have the same one!
Thank you for sharing your insights!!
So hear you with the frustration of motherhood pulling us from the creative outlets, and the creativity ... sometimes feeling so consuming it can pull us out of presence with our kids.
Such a dance. I find this conversation sooo interesting on how to truly merge the two as one
Absolutely! It’s a conversation that is both inspiring and soothing for creative mothers.
I’ve been trying to find my footing with it for over a decade now and I still feel like a beginner... I suppose that’s natural given how much my children and I have changed and grown in that time ☺️
Hi Hunter (and all), this is such an interesting question to consider...
I started writing when I set up my blog which brought together my interests in yoga (following my teacher training) and my work in interiors/design PR about creating intentional sacred space and feeling at home in ourselves as a foundation for living beautifully.
After giving birth to my daughter at the beginning of 2020 I carried on writing as and when I could but I felt as though I was undergoing such a metamorphosis and was so consumed by motherhood (and my highly sensitive baby in isolation during COVID) that I found I wasn't inspired to write about the same things in the same way. I was also now writing in the evenings whilst my daughter slept on me or very close by. My writing ground to a halt around the summer of 2020. I deeply wanted to write about things that I was experiencing but at the same time felt so 'in it' and frankly so overwhelmed that I couldn't seem to put words to paper. Instead
Now my daughter is three and my son is one, I have returned to writing and have moved over to Substack which has been brilliant in terms of finding a consistency, commitment and most importantly for the community I continue to find here. The connection and deep conversation is extremely nourishing and refreshing. I also find that discussion leads to more ideas in a beautiful tapestry of inspiration and I can feel all sorts of things that have been deeply buried emerging.
Having said that I have found consistency, I mean in terms of committing to posting weekly but there is no consistency in terms of when I write, it is simply in the pockets of time I find here and there, mostly when both babes are asleep and I have to be realistic about what I can manage to do in that time.
There has been a shift in my writing away from home as a place to return to but as to a place that everything starts from, my connection to the seasons as I found this a way to anchor myself in the early haze of mothering and I am slowly untangling the strands of my feelings and experiences of mothering, all with a backdrop of living creatively! I am sure there is much more to unpick but that is where I am at right now and I am enjoying seeing how it unfolds...xx
This is beautiful, Lyndsay, thank you for sharing your story! I love that you started with blogging. I did too! And I did YTT in 2018. It was so transformative for me!
I completely understand the metamorphosis. I really didn't write the whole first year of Maverick being born, just undergoing such a big change. I now wish I would have started sooner but I guess it was meant to be how it unfolded.
I feel you on the consistency! I write at such random times, it's so funny how we just make it work in the midst of mothering.
I feel like you have so much wisdom to share, and I can't wait to continue to see your work unfold!
Ah we must have been YTTing at the same time, love a synchronicity! In some ways that feels like one metamorphosis (initiating a slower way of being) and motherhood being the next where everything has been clarified/solidified/deepened and still continues to evolve.
Yes!! I hardly journaled at all (actually until recently), it’s sad but I also just didn’t feel able to or drawn to so hopefully it was meant to be. I did recently find something I wrote when my daughter was 3 months old about things I didn’t know about babies/motherhood. I could add a huge layer of depth to it now, 3 years later but thought it might be fun to share parts of that at some point.
Thank you Hunter for your kind words, so happy to be connected and inspired by you xx
Ah that's so cool that we were going through that journey at the same time!
Oh wow, you have to share your insights there, I'd love to see what's changed from what you originally wrote. So beautiful!
I love everything you wrote but this:: I also find that discussion leads to more ideas in a beautiful tapestry of inspiration and I can feel all sorts of things that have been deeply buried emerging. :: I feel this too and it’s so deeply beautiful and not something I have found anywhere else. It’s also so much genuine connection here with people wanting to learn, help one another grow -- so uplifting and something so nice for us mamas who might be craving that quieter, creative community!
Yes!! Here, it feels like we aren't just writing into the void (that so many other social platforms feel like) and instead truly bringing together community and deep support. It definitely feels incredibly uplifting!
Completely agree, despite in many ways writing things for myself, I am also very done with the void! The connection here is such a beautiful thing.
Agreed! The void gets kind of depressing after awhile haha
Ah thank you for reading my ponderings! Yes!! It’s an entirely new experience, I love the spirit of sharing and support, it feels incredibly nourishing as well as inspiring. Absolutely agree, it feels like a quieter, inward journey despite the fact that I am probably sharing more outwardly here than ever before...!
Ah yes! The polarity of it all is so beautiful!!!
What a great thread of comments Hunter. I so enjoyed binge reading them all haha!
Before motherhood, I would write my personal beliefs in creative ways in order to help people’s perspectives shift and evolve.
I was praised for it, though in many ways it felt selfish because it was happening from this desire to be seen.
I became a mum and my writing turned to poetry, and longform explorative style. Initially on instagram through like a billion captions haha but the intention shifted.
It became about service. Not wanting to “help” people so to speak, but to MOVE people. I wanted to spark emotion in other mothers and through that, feel connected.
I love this question a lot because I’ve never thought about how it changed specifically after having a child but I’d say it went from personal to service based
I've loved the conversations happening here in this thread!
And yes, I relate to this same thing so much! Before having a baby, it was all about me and my introspection and now I really do feel such a shift to more of a service mentality, too. Thank you for sharing your experience!!
Such a good question! Before I had my children, I honestly don’t think I had a creative side. My parents were very much about doing ‘real’ subjects at school that would get me a ‘proper’ job, and so I became a nurse.
After my children were born I soon realised that the long hours at the hospital weren’t very family friendly, and I wanted to have a job that I could work around my children. THIS is when everything changed. I found myself being more and more creative, thanks to my children. I was playful and I enjoyed fun things again, and so this lead me to set up my print business.
Since then, I’ve spent my days being just that - creative. I design, play, read, build, experiment, and the thing I love most - write.
I honestly don’t think I’d have done any of this if I hadn’t become a mother. I’m so grateful to those little humans! 🥰
This is so fascinating, Sophie! It's incredible how kids can re-ignite creativity in us, isn't it? There is truly a magic with playing. I love that you found this journey after becoming a mum and now you're exploring that side of yourself. So beautiful!!
It's interesting to me the value we put on making our parents happy too, and then realizing when we become parents ourselves what actually makes us happy. SO many thoughts on this! Thank you for sharing!!
Definitely! You’re so right. So many thoughts coming up for me too, what a privilege it is to be a mum 🥰
Such a magical, difficult, insane, thrilling, mundane, beautiful journey! And such a privilege!
Becoming a mother brought me back to writing. I had used poetry and journaling as a teen to process all of my big feelings and when I found myself struggling my with anxiety and more big feelings, I turned back.
That's beautiful, Kim! Not the anxiety part, of course, but re-discovering your love for writing & poetry that you had as a teenager. It really does bring everything full circle, doesn't it?