I can relate to this so much. The constant wondering if I'm squandering my time away with Noah, not being present enough (I mean, how many times can you really listen to Old McDonald on repeat without needing a distraction?) hoping I won't regret trying to invest in my creative projects and writing while he's still so little.
There are no answers but I think it helps me gain perspective when I remember it's not that we're somehow failing our work or our children---it's that society is failing mothers and parents and caregivers by not valuing the work of raising children and tending to our elders. Our culture is failing us, not the other way around.
Yess! I feel the same. It's finding that balance between being a mother and being other, too. I love that perspective shift to put it back into society and culture, you are so right. Thank you for that reminder, Mariah.
I feel this so much. Our days sound similar and my son is almost two. Each day is different and I try to cram everything I can into nap time. I have grown much more resilient and comfortable with how I let the days flow. Like you said sometimes tv, sometimes outside. This is the best option for us right now and I’m tired of feeling guilty for how things are in this season.
I completely agree! I'm working on removing the guilt these days but gosh it's so hard. I love how you let your days flow, it's so helpful to just embrace it rather than fight against it.
I’m feeling this so much! My daughter is almost one and I’m in the last few weeks of maternity leave before I return to work. I’m trying to soak up all the magic of the last year and the bits that I have left before the crash landing into the reality of being a working mother/partner/friend/sister/special needs dog owner. My husband and I were talking last night about how anxious we both feel about the impending changes and managing life when it only just feels doable now with me on mat leave—how on earth are we going to do it when we’ve got to factor in the constraints of my work schedule as well??? Not to mention that I’m studying and slowly working towards getting my own business up and running so I can step away from corporate life. I feel immensely guilty that our daughter will be going into daycare, which doesn’t feel like the right thing for her (the daycare is actually amazing and the staff wonderful but it’s not the right environment for our daughter, however we have no other options available).
I feel you!! It's so scary to have to return to work and daily life when you've just gone through this life-altering experience and are now raising a tiny human. My husband and I had the same conversation a few nights ago about how overwhelmed we really are in this season, and that's okay. I find that voicing it helps so much.
I'm sorry you're struggling with the daycare decision. While mine hasn't done daycare, I have so many friends who had to send theirs to daycare and they all talked about how they dreaded it but it's been so good for their kids developmentally and to have that time with other kids their age. I hope your little one thrives in it, even if it's for a season!
I'm not a mom (yet) but I've experienced guilt in other ways as a creative and in my other roles as a wife and such... but you got this! We're all just trying to figure it out along the way anyway :) enjoy this season!! have fun in disney world!!
I loved this and I’ve been reflecting on these early years of motherhood as my daughter is about to turn 18. They are all seasons and parts of them are amazing AND bloody hard too. I remember holding her and sitting with her in those peaceful precious moments and really absorbing every detail because I knew it would be fleeting. So grateful I did because I look back and know that even when I’ve made mistakes and not balanced it all very well sometimes, I have those memories to hold on to. It’s all good 💛
I love hearing your perspective with an older kid. I think back to even stuff that I worried about in the first year of her life and how it's not applicable at all anymore. It really does go by so fast, I feel like I'll blink and she'll be 18! Thank you so much for the encouragement and reminder to enjoy every moment.
These words made me smile with understanding. I loved being in the baby bubble, I actually wrote about my experience leaving it too. When I was in it, I could just be mum I was so busy and tired it was enough just to be with my kids. But emerging back into the world and forging a new identity was when things got hard. You’re so right, it’s a juggle, a balancing act and it can take some time to feel into this new season of life.
Ah yes, sounds like we went through super similar experiences! It's not necessarily raising them but the responsibilities and expectations that are all around us outside of raising them. Thank you for the camaraderie!
Man this takes me back to when my boys were smaller! At times it felt like I was going to be in an endless loop of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain for the rest of my life... But I'm not! My twins are turning nine in a month and they bring a level of hilarity, brilliance and curiosity to my days that that I could only imagine when I was still up to my neck in nappies. The days you're going through are HARD and only made harder by the inevitable mama guilt, but trust me when I say that you're doing great and the days will get easier and more fun. And then school comes along and gives you some time to do you again... The naps will end (got how I dreaded that day!) but new joys await, I promise. 💕
I so needed to hear this, Michelle. Thank you! I'm hardcore mourning the end of naps but also embracing the freedom it will give us too. Thank you so much for this perspective now that you have older kids!
You’ve captured the end of the honeymoon period (the first two years) so well. Mine’s just about 10, and in my experience, it gets better and better every year. So you have a magical journey ahead of you!! And oh my, please at least take guilt off the list of your burdens. It’s an anchor dragging you under and — at least for me — takes up all the air in the room so that the joy of mothering has a hard time getting in. See what new and amazing things happen in your relationship with your little one if you tell guilt to back off and give you some space — sounds like you are starting to do just that — you are doing your best and working hard all day long, juggling a million things. We know, and we see you! 🩷
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, Rebecca. I truly needed to read this. It totally is a honeymoon period, but also so special getting to learn more and more about my daughter each day and who she is as an individual as she grows. I feel like I'll blink and she'll be 10 herself!
“I’m currently working on taking the guilt off my plate. On ending that intense comparison game in my head of if I’m being a good enough mother, or wife, or daughter, or friend”. Yup. I feel like modern life exacerbates this conundrum.
I can relate to this so much. The constant wondering if I'm squandering my time away with Noah, not being present enough (I mean, how many times can you really listen to Old McDonald on repeat without needing a distraction?) hoping I won't regret trying to invest in my creative projects and writing while he's still so little.
There are no answers but I think it helps me gain perspective when I remember it's not that we're somehow failing our work or our children---it's that society is failing mothers and parents and caregivers by not valuing the work of raising children and tending to our elders. Our culture is failing us, not the other way around.
Yess! I feel the same. It's finding that balance between being a mother and being other, too. I love that perspective shift to put it back into society and culture, you are so right. Thank you for that reminder, Mariah.
I feel this so much. Our days sound similar and my son is almost two. Each day is different and I try to cram everything I can into nap time. I have grown much more resilient and comfortable with how I let the days flow. Like you said sometimes tv, sometimes outside. This is the best option for us right now and I’m tired of feeling guilty for how things are in this season.
I completely agree! I'm working on removing the guilt these days but gosh it's so hard. I love how you let your days flow, it's so helpful to just embrace it rather than fight against it.
I’m feeling this so much! My daughter is almost one and I’m in the last few weeks of maternity leave before I return to work. I’m trying to soak up all the magic of the last year and the bits that I have left before the crash landing into the reality of being a working mother/partner/friend/sister/special needs dog owner. My husband and I were talking last night about how anxious we both feel about the impending changes and managing life when it only just feels doable now with me on mat leave—how on earth are we going to do it when we’ve got to factor in the constraints of my work schedule as well??? Not to mention that I’m studying and slowly working towards getting my own business up and running so I can step away from corporate life. I feel immensely guilty that our daughter will be going into daycare, which doesn’t feel like the right thing for her (the daycare is actually amazing and the staff wonderful but it’s not the right environment for our daughter, however we have no other options available).
I feel you!! It's so scary to have to return to work and daily life when you've just gone through this life-altering experience and are now raising a tiny human. My husband and I had the same conversation a few nights ago about how overwhelmed we really are in this season, and that's okay. I find that voicing it helps so much.
I'm sorry you're struggling with the daycare decision. While mine hasn't done daycare, I have so many friends who had to send theirs to daycare and they all talked about how they dreaded it but it's been so good for their kids developmentally and to have that time with other kids their age. I hope your little one thrives in it, even if it's for a season!
I'm not a mom (yet) but I've experienced guilt in other ways as a creative and in my other roles as a wife and such... but you got this! We're all just trying to figure it out along the way anyway :) enjoy this season!! have fun in disney world!!
Ah yes! I definitely felt similar before becoming a mom too so I totally get it. Thank you for the encouragement!!
I loved this and I’ve been reflecting on these early years of motherhood as my daughter is about to turn 18. They are all seasons and parts of them are amazing AND bloody hard too. I remember holding her and sitting with her in those peaceful precious moments and really absorbing every detail because I knew it would be fleeting. So grateful I did because I look back and know that even when I’ve made mistakes and not balanced it all very well sometimes, I have those memories to hold on to. It’s all good 💛
I love hearing your perspective with an older kid. I think back to even stuff that I worried about in the first year of her life and how it's not applicable at all anymore. It really does go by so fast, I feel like I'll blink and she'll be 18! Thank you so much for the encouragement and reminder to enjoy every moment.
These words made me smile with understanding. I loved being in the baby bubble, I actually wrote about my experience leaving it too. When I was in it, I could just be mum I was so busy and tired it was enough just to be with my kids. But emerging back into the world and forging a new identity was when things got hard. You’re so right, it’s a juggle, a balancing act and it can take some time to feel into this new season of life.
Enjoy Disney world! Xx
Ah yes, sounds like we went through super similar experiences! It's not necessarily raising them but the responsibilities and expectations that are all around us outside of raising them. Thank you for the camaraderie!
Yes 100% it was all the other stuff that was hard! Love finding so much camaraderie here on Substack x
Man this takes me back to when my boys were smaller! At times it felt like I was going to be in an endless loop of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain for the rest of my life... But I'm not! My twins are turning nine in a month and they bring a level of hilarity, brilliance and curiosity to my days that that I could only imagine when I was still up to my neck in nappies. The days you're going through are HARD and only made harder by the inevitable mama guilt, but trust me when I say that you're doing great and the days will get easier and more fun. And then school comes along and gives you some time to do you again... The naps will end (got how I dreaded that day!) but new joys await, I promise. 💕
I so needed to hear this, Michelle. Thank you! I'm hardcore mourning the end of naps but also embracing the freedom it will give us too. Thank you so much for this perspective now that you have older kids!
You’ve captured the end of the honeymoon period (the first two years) so well. Mine’s just about 10, and in my experience, it gets better and better every year. So you have a magical journey ahead of you!! And oh my, please at least take guilt off the list of your burdens. It’s an anchor dragging you under and — at least for me — takes up all the air in the room so that the joy of mothering has a hard time getting in. See what new and amazing things happen in your relationship with your little one if you tell guilt to back off and give you some space — sounds like you are starting to do just that — you are doing your best and working hard all day long, juggling a million things. We know, and we see you! 🩷
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, Rebecca. I truly needed to read this. It totally is a honeymoon period, but also so special getting to learn more and more about my daughter each day and who she is as an individual as she grows. I feel like I'll blink and she'll be 10 herself!
“I’m currently working on taking the guilt off my plate. On ending that intense comparison game in my head of if I’m being a good enough mother, or wife, or daughter, or friend”. Yup. I feel like modern life exacerbates this conundrum.
Modern life absolutely exacerbates it! And I think it's my expectations around it all more than the reality that makes it so hard.
This perfectly captured how I feel about motherhood at this stage of my life. It’s hard but I’m reminding myself to focus on the glimmers.
Yesss, love the glimmers. They are so important to remember!
Seems to me that you are doing it all just right!!! Xoxo